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Fuck Santa Claus, because ANDY DICK is coming to town!

Submitted by Commandrea on December 8, 2010 – 8:55 pmOne Comment
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BY JACOB CALLE

We all loved his television show News Radio that he co starred with Phil Hartman and Joe Rogan. You’ve seen him on MTV on many reruns from his hit show “The Andy Dick Show”. You’ve got the dvd “Zoolander” where he played as Olga or even better in “In the Army Now” with Pauly Shore. Andy is definately an unforgettable house hold name. He’s absurd. He’s preposterous. He’s hilarious. He’s all the above. While he’s known famously for all of his televison and movie work he is equally known for his lewd behavior. His drunken rages. He’s been kicked off of the Jimmy Kimmel show for continously touching Ivanka Trump. His  latest report that he was arrested in  Huntington, WV for sexual abuse after he was reported touching a bartender and a customer’s you know what. But that’s all said and done. Andy’s did and got the tshirt that reads “Long live the Party”. Andy, now drug free and clean on a raw food diet. He’s a got a movie called “Division III: Football’s Finest” that is coming out shortly. So be sure to give your support when that is released. But lets not jump the gun just yet, because right now Andy is performing his shenanagins live on tour. December 16th he will be making his appearance at Fitzgerald’s with opening act, Delicious Milk who are from Houston with an amazing line up of Houston musical favorites including Free Press editor, Omar fucking Afra ( not a reprehensible human being either.) After the show there will be a meet and greet with the biggest dick of the night. So come out and enjoy the night, because I will. $20/ $25 at door

Jacob: So how was your hike?

Andy: It’s always good. It felt great because it felt spiritual. I live in the woods and I always hear owls. You know? (Andy does a long imitation of an owl whoing which actually sounded like a pigeon.) Well anyways, you know how they talk. I see a lot of rattlesnakes. There are certain things that I want to see. I want to see a bobcat or a mountain lion in the wild. I always hear the owls, but never see them. I think they camouflage their selves. There’s this bridge that goes over this dried up creek. I picked up a rock to through into this stagnant pool of water. I even said out loud, “Just for fun!”. I over threw it and it missed the water. The  rock must have startled it, because this giant bird comes flying out of this tree and landed 20 feet next to me. It’s back was facing me. It turned his head around like owls do and that’s when I saw that it was an owl. It craned his head all the way around and looked at me and said, “Ah, shit! I’m out of here!” He flew off quietly. Whoo-whooo-whooo. Ya know, so quietly.
Jacob: Very nice! So do you often go out hiking?
Andy: Eveyday, when I can. If I’m in Hollywood I’ll take the hike near Hollywood BLVD and hike all the way up the hill to the Hollywood sign. To a little spot where not many people go to.
Jacob: Yeh, I kinda assumed that you were talking about near The Observatory. Very cool.
Andy: Yeh, when I am out in Hollywood, but I live in a small rural town called Topanga. T as in Tom. O. P as in Paul. A-N-G-A. Topanga Canyon.
Jacob: Yes, the hot chick from Boy Meets World.
Andy: I think she lives up here.
Jacob: Nice, so when I Google you I tend to find things about you on Celebrity rehab, exposing yourself, unwelcomed sex encounters, and so forth. Some people may say that this is all ludicrous behavior, but then there are people like Steve O who intentionally does this for exposure. Would you say that this is a new line of comedy, becuase I find it hilarious.
Andy: (pause) I don’t do it for exposure and I don’t do it for the sake of comedy for the others. I do it because I am drunk. When I am really drunk and that reptillian part of my brain is the only thing that is awake I will do things that will make me laugh that are what you said, ludicrous. They make me life. I like to make people cringe. Hey did I tell you that my son’s name is Jacob?

Jacob: Yerp! Ya told me that during your movie “Danny Roane: First Time Director” premeire week for SXSW.

Andy: Well I have even a better movie out. Over the past years I’ve had some wild times because I was drinking a lot. I am not anymore though. I had to hire someone to watch over me. Plus I have Dr. Drew as my addiction specialist. I am going to be in really good shape. I might be in good shape for the rest of my life.

Jacob: Nice, well congratulations bud.


Andy:  This movie is better than “Danny Roane”. It’s me as a football coach. A flailing division three college football team. My character is nuts so they hire me to bring publicity to the team. I’m going to SXSW as a precursor hoping that they overlook my shenanagins from four years ago. I’m going to go in their office and try to ask them for forgiveness and let the movie speak for it’s self. The movie is called “Division Three” so hopefully they will except it. Or they can accept it and not let me come. That’s fine too. Like I said, I am in a really good place. I live with my kids in the back of my ex wife’s house in a guest house made out of a Home Depot tool shed. It’s about $4,000 and put in about another $5,000 dollars into the interior so that it looks like a prefabricated awesome living quarters.

Jacob: So you lost in the elementary game of MASH. Where’s your pinto and 10 children? No really,  so tell me about the live show that you’ll be performing here in Houston.

Andy: The show is going to be awesome. It’s all autobiographical. It will tell a story through words and through songs. There is also a special appearance almost every night is she feels like coming out by Daphne Aguilara (Christina Aguilara’s cousin). There is a little intermission and all hell breaks lose. She likes to expose her self so lets just put it that way. Then you can see clearly that it’s not me. It’s her. you’ll see.

Jacob: Well lets get the party goin, heh. So there are people that love you and then there are people that hate you. What would make one hate you.

Andy: That people that hate me are the people that have probably never met me. You just can’t believe what you read. And you should really reserve judgement until you meet a person. Sometimes it is hard to do that. I’ll read something about someone and I’ll think “That woman seems like a f-fucking c-cunt!” or “That guys looks a douchebag!” but then I say to myself, “I don’t know them. I really don’t know the story. Then sometimes I find that I was completely wrong.  A lot of the times the people that keep a cleeeeeeeeean clean spotless record are the ones that are the biggest fuck-ing douchebags. They are so concerned what people think about them. They are so good at masking what bitchy assholes they are. Me drinking versus me sober is literally like Dr. Dickles and Mr. Hide your dick back in your pants please. Dr. Dickles is the good one.

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Wanna follow @AndyDick? There you go.

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