An Interview with Pricasso
By Jacob Calle
Tim Patch is an Australian artist who has left the world in shock and awe with his beautiful paintings. His talent has allowed him to travel the world to perform live painting demos, but how Patch paints isn’t exactly conventional, unless you’re an elephant who paints with its trunk. Tim Patch doesn’t use paint brushes, fingers, or even his lips such as Pearland native, Natalie Irish. Tim Patch paints with his penis and goes by the world’s worst pun, Pricasso.
After painting a smiley face on the back of a urinal with his genetalia, an idea was erected and his penis grew to much fame. Cocky or not, the man states that he’s just as good as anyone with a brush and a lot quicker.
When did you you realise that your dick has more talented than your entire body?
It wasn’t till about 10 years ago the idea popped into my head, I was a carpenter then but I did realise that I would have to be pretty good at painting to be taken seriously, and it took lots practice before I could swap my hammer for my brush! Especially when I started painting at home alone I wondered how I would do this in front of people as my penis was constantly getting erect and it is so much harder to paint like that, so I would have to jerk off before I started my practice secessions , and I practiced a lot !
Are you as good on a canvas as you are in bed?
Thats a tough question , I’ve been divorced twice, maybe thats answered your question and at the moment am happily single as I want to keep my present house having given away two already funnily enough I have two of my kids back living with me now but the houses didn’t come back , I do get a lot of people ordering paintings over the internet wanting it painted as dirty as I can so I do cum a lot and sometimes takes a lot of effort to perform in front of the camera as I don’t like using pills unless I have a live audience so I do find I have to balance my erotic painting with satisfying a partner as well without wearing myself out too much so I found it was much easier to be single and get surprised now and then with someone… anyone!
I’ve gone through many a paintbrush throughout my history of painting and only one dick for fucking. What’s gonna happen when our dick brush goes kaput?
Fuck, I hope it lasts a few more years. but i’m hoping that when my brain begins to melt down and I find I can’t remember where I hid my condoms or find myself brushing my teeth with the lube that I used for fucking, it won’t matter all that much to anyone, but my penis has made a small mark in this world, it’s painted thousands of paintings and is probably the most photographed penis on earth,
What do you think women think when they are being intimate with you and they’re nobbin’ on your favourite paintbrush?
The mind’s of women are still a complete mystery to me they are all different but I do like watching them giving me head their eyes looking up at yours and me wondering if I should push down on the back of their head or not, I can usually tell if they are really enjoying it, or just going through the motions and if they swallow well that’s a bonus!
Events hire you to perform your talent in front of a live audience. It’s like a one man orgy with paint, a canvas, and your dick while you’ve got a crowd watching as you go to town. Any stories that you’d like to share?
I have to be on my best behaviour at Sexpo’s and Adult expos when I first started I had to masturbate in the morning just before I started as I am not allowed to have an erection there but now I am used to it and it just feels natural to be naked in front of thousands of people all day. But at bachelorette nights it can become quite excited usually with the Aunties and Mother of the bride when the have had a few drinks they usually want a photo I tell them they can hold the brush and lots do, I have even had them putting it in their mouth after they had washed it for me, but by then it is a lot bigger and lots of photos are taken in various positions before I can get back to work I usually hang a towel on it and have a drink until its got back to normal .
At times you’ve painted nude woman, but there are times where you’ve painted on live woman. You take “nude body painting” to a whole new level!
Actually I haven’t done it that much the first time I did it was at a swingers club and she wanted to turn me on ,which with her, wasn’t that hard, and we put on quite a show but the painting really suffered and I really did not look the best, but someone filmed some of it and was pretty erotic especially when I was painting around her clitt she was as hard as I was, when it was all over I got a standing ovation from all the people there, but I just wanted her to wash it off as I wasn’t at all pleased with the results but we did had to have a very long shower. The second time I tried it I was in Las Vegas I was trying too hard to get a good painting and my brush wouldn’t perform at all I think the poor girl was very disappointed but the artwork was much better but some people stopped watching halfway through I then realised it did not really matter if the art work was a bit messy as long as it was erotic. Since then I use a pill make sure it’s in the mood, I’ve even painted guys but their hairy bodies make it much more of a challenge and I don’t usually take a pill at gay clubs but it sometimes gets there anyway..it’s a bit of a worry!
Your dick must be sore with all that painting right? After a while I notice my bristles on my brush begin to age. Your particular hobby has to have worn down your member, right?
I do look after it really well as it’s not insured ,i do paint now with really smooth paint which I make myself but when I first started I do remember it losing so much skin off the head that it was bleeding I sure you, the skins got tougher over the years, i’m sure it is still as sensitive as it used to be, but now I can do 4 days of 12 hour painting straight but it does get really sore I cover my genetails in antiseptic and wrap it up in Kitchen wrap at night when I am at the shows I have also developed a stunt of cleaning out the urethra with a cotton bud I perform this at all my shows now, it freaks people out!
So, how do you prepare your self to paint?
Its all an illusion really distracting ones bad points I am not that tall I wear a big hat, fake tan, and cover my knees with high boots shave off my pubes as it makes my dick look bigger and stay as skinny as possible to keep my tummy flat or even hold it in this makes my dick stand out a fraction more so I only have small meals but lots of them. I don’t sleep much especially getting to a show on the planes I watch videos and drink heaps, but I am quite relaxed when I get there I used to take a sleeping pill and spend 2 days waking up also I usually try not to have sex for a few days before a show this makes me feel sexier and more aroused I can control the erections but half hard is a good look .
Do you work better hard or soft?
Soft definitely I so much more manageable, I can squeeze it stretch it bend it to get different effects. It is so much more precise. I do use it when its hard for smoothing large areas on the sides of paintings and looks good erect when I paint the edges of canvases I call that on the credit card swipe passing the canvas between my but cheeks brushing against my anus! Everyone loves that one!
Your kids? Ex-Wives? What does your family think of this career that you’ve lived? I’m sure it’s gotta be interesting when your daughter takes you to school for Career Day?
My daughter is a theatre nurse and kept it a secret from her co workers , but one day she walked into the operating theatre and all the plasma screens were tuned in to my website , she was so embarrassed but all the doctors assured her they were actually envious of me and thought it was great compared to their boring jobs, My sons think it’s great and all their friends are impressed also I get to go away a lot so they have the house to themselves always looks like parties happened when I get back, my sister lives next door she a bit embarrassed by me but puts up with me. My Dad said “Oh Oh dear” and did not mention it again, he died a few years ago still in denial.
You’ve made great pals with America’s Ron Jeremy. He fucks with his dick. You paint with your dick, but have you guys ever fought with your dicks? Who wins in a dick fight? You or Ron?
Ron is twice the man I am, so I am sure in a fair dick fight he would cum out on top. I did paint him once but he got really annoyed me and wouldn’t keep still he kept getting up an chatting to women and even started taking photos of my penis so it wasn’t the best I gave up trying at some point and just signed it, I meet him a shows around the world from time to time and he really is an charming intelligent guy I love his video takeoff of Wrecking Ball on u tube
Do you paint when it’s cold.
I do, but like to have to have heaters all the time and a hand held hair drier handy to warm it up now and then, I have heard some people say “now thats a blow job”. I do paint at parties and I do remember one in particular a hippy party in a place called Nimbin lots of weed and happy people having fun, I was painting outside till about 4 am, it got down to about 8 degrees centigrade 46F the girls were so good and kept a constant supply of warm water which the poured and sponged on me whilst I painted I was actually probably even colder as I was constantly getting really hot and then really cold but the genital attention to my but and genitals I received was sooo good I just put up wit it for hours I do suffer for my art
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