EDITOR’S NOTE: Yesterday the Chicago Tribune, an allegedly reputable publication in the “city” of Chicago (soon to be eclipsed by Houston in terms of population), published an article lambasting our city for bringing in an Anish Kapoor sculpture similar to their famous “bean” sculpture. What lies below is FPH’s response to the Tribune’s saltiness. 

Yo, Chicago, we are not coming for you. Houston comes for no one and nothing at all. (Unless, of course, you start it.) We may be the fourth largest and most diverse city in America, but people like you, distinguished writer of the Chicago Tribune, still consider us a “cultural abyss,” which is a grossly judgmental and frankly a damn insecure way to talk about your friends to the south. Kim, you won an award for distinguished journalism? Why are you wading into this mess?

Are y’all really this salty about a damn sculpture? Or are you just defrosting from the torrent of hell you innocently call winter? You’re not mad that Houston’s received tons of accolades over the years for its food, art, culture, diversity, and efforts to green our city? I mean, if you wanna feel threatened, don’t pitch a hissy fit over a sculpture by an artist who’s not even from Chicago, let alone America — dude’s just dropping art where he wants.

Y’all were all about us during Hurricane Harvey, watching Houstonians of all kinds come together for their fellow man and their city — watching everyday folks rescue dogs and children and families, and so impressed with us. But now you’re mad because we’re snatching some kind of cred from you? Don’t worry Chicago, everyone will still associate your massive city with a giant reflective object, because there aren’t countless other reasons to love Chicago.

Honestly, you should be mad right now that Houston is changing. We’re putting in the work. We’re addressing our past and looking to improve our future. We are turning into a welcoming, cultural powerhouse.

So, Kim, why don’t you mosey on down here and we’ll give a nice tour of Houston, just to say howdy and hope you’ll see the error of your ways. Bless your heart.