By: Jacob Calle
Alicia Keys and Jay Z hosted parties at Rich’s in Midtown. With my sneakery talent I was able to sneak in, make handshakes with the club manager, and somehow obtain media passes for my bud and I. Instead of writing about my full story on how I snuck into this event while passing through high security and police men I’ve decided to post photos of the event and share them with you. At first I felt like Peter Parker snapping photos for the year book. I was a lonely inept white guy asking politely to take photos of rappers, but after a few shots of Jager I was Spiderman and I didn’t give a fuck. Enjoy and keep it trill. Peace.
NOTE: To view photos to the max, click on them, then click on again in other window. If some of these pics are NSFW, then get a new job.
What I thought I saw: Every other guy was Drake. Looked like him at least. What I did see: Jay Z’s lips right in front of my face as I looked up from wondering Rich’s. What was worn: A diamond encrusted NES Contra video game necklace. What time did shit go down: Anywhere from 2-5am. What was spent: To enter the club people were paying over $250.00 and the line was long. How I got in: I snuck in and grabbed some media passes. How much I saved: Considering that I was in VIP, ummmm well over $1,000.00. Most hilarious celeb there: Queen Latifah. She had her taxi with her and drove me home. It got crunk What was said from a girl’s mouth: “I don’t even care to see these celebrities, I got drug here.” What was jammed: Jay Z’s DJ spinnin’ the wheels faster than Mario Andretti. What was not seen: Alicia Keys because after her “people” saw that “her” area was full of people she was told not to go inside. How many people I gave advice on getting in without paying: Two dudes. I was stoked when I saw that my plan worked. How many books were read: Fucking none. We were dancing! How many body guards did it take to take care of all the celebs in the house: Too many. What was missed: Michael Jordan’s 50th birthday party at Houston Museum of Fine Arts. I had the most divine plan of getting in and missed it because I thought it was on Saturday, not Friday. Who I forgot to take a photo of: Andre 3000. Dude had too much style. He looked like he was wearing his whole wardrobe. What people thought I was: Pavarazzi (I did have a pretty big camera). What I told Beyonce Knowles: “Girl, you can lip synch to me anytime!”
Honorable mentions: Lebron James is one rad dude. We had a shot of Patron and made a shout out to all the homies gettin booty danced on.