Free Press Houston
With the uproar regarding the controversial opinion piece put out by Houston Press listing Houston’s “10 Hottest Female Musicians”, Free Press Houston felt it would be a good opportunity to indiscriminately show Houston who the 10 hottest musicians are, regardless of gender.
The truth is, when you come to a city like Houston, you can expect to see some really great live performances. Chances are, at any of these performances, you are going to run into a really hot musician. Houston is full of these kind of performers, and it’s no wonder that our music scene is truly starting to blossom into something we can all be proud of.
So without further hesitation, this is Houston’s 10 Top Hottest Musicians:
10. Eric Solomon
Clearly, as you can tell from this picture, Eric Solomon is hot. You can see it on his face, his chest, his arms, all of which are clearly so hot. Get this guy some water.
9. James Templeton
James Templeton is playing drums, and as you can see from his glistening arm and darkened shirt, this man is HOT. I mean, look at that beard- that’s facial insulation, and must add to his being hot. He’s going to have to stand in a walk in freezer to cool down that hotness.
8. Fat Tony
Fat Tony just finished performing, and he is so hot that he is demanding that the camera man assume the position of cabana boy and fan away the flames of his hotness. Cornbreadd is not going to share his icy beverage with Fat Tony, because he knows that even the coolness of his drink will not calm the heat from Fat Tony’s hotness.
7. B L A C K I E
Look out, folks of Houston, and pull out your ice packs, because the sweltering heat from this hot musician is enough to melt your cold hearts. He is so hot that he went from being B L A C K I E to R E D D I E.
6. Meg Michelle
It’s the middle of the afternoon in June. We all know she is hot, but she is professional enough to know how to hide her hotness. We spy a teeny bit of sunburn atop her shoulder, and we suspect that she is much hotter than she is letting us in on.
5. Jeri Huston
Yowza! Jeri is so hot right now, it’s unbelievable. Her hotness is not limited purely to the redness of her face and arms, but to the sweat drenched top that she has carved in an attempt to prevent her hotness from becoming debilitating during her performance. It’s pretty safe to say she’s going to need a quick trip to the Arctic, because this hot punk rock front woman is too damn hot for Houston.
4. Anthony Vallejo
I’m already sweating looking at this hot pic of this Houston drummer. His hair flying across his forehead, dripping with glistening sweat- sweat that cannot possibly cool his pores from all the hotness radiating forth from him. Sources say that while he was performing, his drum sticks caught fire, in what was essentially like a moment from NBA Jam. “He’s heating up! He’s on fire!”
3. Cory Sinclair
Damn. This dude is wearing layers. It’s no wonder he is hot. The button up and that tie sealed his fate the day he chose that ensemble before performing outdoors in the summer sun. His body became so hot from all his hotness, that strange patterns began forming on his hand. And that microphone cable? It used to be black.
2. Jef
Before performing, Jef’s physician advises that he remove his shirt, lest he burn down the house. To stay cool during the heat of the performance, we advise that Jef keep his hair tied back, otherwise, his hair might incinerate itself! In the red cup, sources believe there was a bunch of crushed ice, which Jef would frequently use to oppress the mighty heat from being so hot at the Continental Club.
1. Rob McCarthy
Look at those pasty legs. My god. Look at those intense sunburns on his arms. His tomato red face is a clear indication that Rob is truly Houston’s hottest musician. It’s no wonder, too, with that massive blanket of hair sweeping across his face and neck. We advise Rob to only perform during the winter, and to keep a towel close by.
