Brittany Goldmann
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Inside Alex Jones’ Bizarre InfoWars Retail Empire

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I recently had the displeasure of watching bloated prepper Alex Jones manically tear his shirt off three times within two weeks on air, followed by his trolling catastrophe with The Young Turks at the RNC. It doesn’t really matter why, but perhaps the most concise explanation is that he’s a self-styled conspiracy call boy for Donald Trump who’s willing to humiliate himself for the future fuhrer because he has wet dreams about him. I mean, why else would he take off his shirt? But an Alex Jones strip tease would be remiss without an utterly shameless plug of overpriced InfoWars bunker supplies and male enhancement supplements. Sex sells they say, and so does putting the fear of government regulation into white fragility.

I sat down with a friend who randomly found himself working at the InfoWars store call center to help illuminate what goes on behind the scenes and to explain the logic of why someone would drop $3,000 on freeze-dried food.

 

How did you score this job?

I responded to a Craigslist ad. Originally I was told that it was a small call center with 50 accounts that they mostly handle for attorney’s offices, but the call center manager wanted to hire me for something more particular with a higher call volume. I didn’t find out what it was for until after I got hired. When they gave me the tour I could see that each cubicle had two monitors and I saw some guy in one of them browsing InfoWars and I was like “Oh my god, what a nerd” and then I later found out that I’d be working for them. Then I found out its their most profitable account.

 

What are the most typical kind of calls you get?

Mostly from older people in the middle of nowhere off old country highway 37, and I know they’re old because why aren’t they ordering online? All I’m doing is online shopping for these people, but I get treated like I’m with customer service because they only have one phone for that and no one is ever there. I had to handle a call from someone who really mad about not receiving their order of two years worth of freeze dried food which costs $1,300 a year and he was like, “Where’s my stuff? Is someone watching me?”

I get a lot of questions about these bullshit supplements like colloidal silver and DNA Force, but I’m not a consultant and I don’t care about this stuff you know? I always try to say this, but I’ll still get some lady who has cancer telling me about how the InfoWars show and his supplements are her last resort.

On a side note: This one guy told me I sound like a news anchor and complimenting my dictation. I was like, okay, because I’m gay and definitely sound like it, and I kind of wondered how he would feel if he knew that because I don’t think of the InfoWars clientele as being progressive.

 

What are the top selling items?

The “Hillary for Prison 2016” T-shirt. I really had to ponder that one actually, given her history. Super Male Vitality is supposed to enhance male testosterone, but doesn’t actually have any testosterone. There’s super female vitality, but no one ever buys that. It’s always angry white old guys. Freeze dried food is huge and someone spent $3,000 worth in one call.

Survival X2 Nascent Iodine is huge, too. On the show, Alex Jones says that everyone is exposed to radiation and you need to buy this to protect your adrenal and thyroid gland. The thing is that it’s just regular supplemental Iodine and you can buy that for $5, but he’ll have you believe that his is special and pay $30 for it.

 

Do you have a script or did you have to study up on these products?

I have to read a whole 500 word disclaimer that says that the FDA has not approved of these products for any medical use. You accept a contract when you buy the product and they tell you that they are not responsible for any irresponsible use of the product, which is intentionally vague because you can argue that any use of these supplements is irresponsible even though Alex Jones is promoting irresponsible use in my opinion.

 

Do you have to up-sell any of the items?

No. I try to down-sell actually. They’ll ask me about the contents of some supplement and if it has a specific purpose or if it works a certain way and I’ll just say, “Well, I don’t think this has a specific use or purpose actually,” and just low-key down-sell them. They’ll ask me about what they should take for their ulcers and real deal medical advice over the phone from me. Sometimes I unintentionally up-sell. When it comes time to ask about the quantity of the items they want to order, I’ll ask them, “So do you want to try just one bottle?” And they say, “Oh, now that you mention it I guess I’ll have three.” But I wouldn’t have to up-sell even if I wanted to. The guy they watch and listen to for 8 hours a day yells about whatever issue he’s hung up on and will always tie it into to why they should buy his products.

 

What’s your take on all this?

I just think that with the way things are going in politics right now, things are going to swing from one extreme to another. These types of people fear everything they’re told to fear on either side, so its incredibly easy to sell them anything as long as they believe it protects them from government regulation. I understand being mistrustful of the government, but their fear is being used against them by these conspiracy preppers to totally scam older people and they can get away with it because they have this vague disclaimer that absolves them from any responsibility.