By: Maxwell Morgan
So, here we are again. The start of another Texans season! (The tenth one to be exact.)
FANS BE EXCITED AS MAWFUG!
The fans are expecting a miraculous injury free 16-0 season, while the “experts” are picking us as AFC heavyweights. Many are going so far as putting us in the Superbowl.
Let me repeat, SOO PER BO AL.
It’s hard for me to believe, and even if the experts are right, I gotta feel they are jinxing us somehow.
WEEK 1: vs the Miami Dolphins
The Dolphins were awful last year. So they got a new coach, they used their high draft pick they “earned” on a new quarterback, and hoped to add some buzz with HBO filming their training camp for their “Hard Knocks” series. Even still, they should be awful again this year.
The Texans looked sluggish to start the game. Reggie Bush had a fire lit under his ass like he was dead set on trying to back up his “wanting to be leading rusher” talk on Hard Knocks. The usually dynamic Texans offense looked anything but. Dropped passes, missed red zone opportunities, and fumbled kick returns left fans in a daze.
Our Texans defense remained stout, and held the Fins to 3 first half points. JJ “the milkman” Watt delivered with 4 tipped passes and a sack and a half. Jonathan Joseph and Brian Cushing both had picks resulting in a Texans touchdown thrashing just before half catapulting us to a 24-3 halftime lead.
After that, the game seemed purely a formality. The Dolphins had an impressive kick return, but who cares, right? The shitty Dolphins were still, the shitty Dolphins. The Texans kicked a couple second half field goals and cruised to a 30-10 season opening victory.
A win is a win is a win. Texans coach Gary Kubiak was not impressed with many players performances, but I have to say, Arian Foster, Matt Schaub, and Andre Johnson, all looked impressive as they lead our offense. No turnovers. That usually means a win.
NEXT WEEK: at Jacksonville (AFC South showdown)
We should wreck them. That said, Jacksonville has had a habit of playing us tough over the years. If we win the turnover battle, we’ll easily win this game. I’m not worried, nor should you. In the meantime, enjoy some shots from this week’s home game!