Some bands need a long elaborate introduction while others like the “vegcore” band Demonic Hen are like “Snakes on a Plane” where all you need to know is that the band consists of Beet, Eggplant, Carrot, Avocado, Potato, Asparagus and Pizza; they are from the future; and they have had enough of this motherfuckin’ Demonic Hen that we humans have unleashed on…well, I’ll let them explain it…
FPH – Tell us about how you came together?
Asparagus – We don’t want to scare you but we’re from the future and we’ve seen what the future is like. It’s pretty bleak so we’ve come back to give people a warning. In the future the human race is half chicken from eating so much chicken.
Eggplant – Males with huge with beautiful…big…lush…voluptuous…breasts.
Avocado – …and delicious. Don’t forget delicious. I’m vegan but even I’m tempted to try some!
Potato – The decades of polluted runoff and barren soil have also created mutant vegetables.
Avocado – We don’t want to be mutants, we just want to be fruits and vegetables so we joined the resistance.
FPH – Who are you fighting?
All – THE DEMONIC HEN!!!!
Eggplant (dramatically) – The Demonic Hen is an evil, vicious creature. It’s waiting to hatch and grab you in its clutches. Beware Humanity!!! We are here to warn you!
FPH – Oh, I thought you worked for the Demonic Hen.
Asparagus – No, we just want to get that name across so that when it comes in the future, people can remember. The Demonic Hen is a government experiment in cooperation with giant mega farm groups…Dow, DuPont, Monsanto, etc…
Potato – They were trying to create the perfect chicken – all meat, no filler – but instead they created a beast.
Avocado – [They opened] the gate to this horrible energy from the souls of all the chickens that have been slaughtered and tortured in hen houses. They were sucked into this creature, the Demonic Hen, so it’s full of rage and wants nothing more than to enslave us, chop off our limbs, and put us in cages.
FPH – What I don’t understand is that you have all these vegetables but then you have a sentient pizza here…
Eggplant (with an accusatory gaze) – Pizza claims that pepperoni is soy but I don’t trust him at all.
Potato – I think he’s a spy and he reports on us but I think he’s going to double cross them.
Asparagus – Half of us trust him, half of us don’t. He’s trying to convince us he’s a vegetable but…
FPH – Well, why don’t we have pizza explain himself?
Pizza (nervously) – Hey, c’mon now, pizza is a vegetable by law. In fact…I’m a super pizza with super sauce! One ounce of pizza sauce counts as four times the amount of vegetable according to the law of school lunches.
Asparagus – Well, I think he’s just a human in a pizza costume but he made some videos for us so I guess that’s cool.
Eggplant (contemptuously) – Well, I know you’re in league with the Demonic Hen! I don’t trust you!
FPH (to Eggplant) – How do we know we humans can trust you? How do I know you don’t have an ulterior motive?
Eggplant – Houston humans, you get it all twisted. Everyone thinks it’s about this and that but we’re all Earthlings here. I came from Earth and you came from Earth; if we don’t learn to grow together, then all that will be left is going to be a wasteland.
Carrot – I’ve come back because I look back at all the beautiful animals, plants, and flowers and I wish so much that we could be back in this beautiful time instead of this hellhole I’ve come from. We’ve come to oppose things like not being able to feed people without it being illegal. Don’t go that direction! Don’t let that happen to your world!
FPH – But if we allowed this to happen, wouldn’t it be easier to go all Terminator on us and just get rid of all these humans who are destroying the world?
Eggplant – No, we need you guys! Years of living in the industrial ages has weaned you off our symbiotic lifestyle.
Carrot – That’s the whole thing: we like humans. Humans aren’t bad; they’ve just been manipulated with propaganda and lies. You guys have gotten way out of control. Coming back and saving you, is not what we choose but just what it has come to. [Humans] were once hunter-gatherers and it was way nicer before all these lies and propaganda turned them into Earth killers. That’s not what humans are and we can help change you guys.
Eggplant – Oh, I don’t think you can change.
Carrots – Oh c’mon man, we can help them, that’s why they are here.
Eggplant – I don’t know, I still feel like I’m on a losing mission. There are many people who have been on this earth that set great examples for what humanity could be but humans tend to shut those people down and laugh at them. In the future we look at people like Jack LaLanne as great historical figures. “The power is in the juice! If you can believe it, you can achieve it! Get your workout on! Live long and live happy!”
All (reverently) – JACK LALANNE!
FPH – What are a few things people can do to help?
Potato – Bike or walk as much as you can. Don’t just get in your car because you can. I know it’s hot out and you’re going to get to your destination all sweaty and gross but when you show up, you can be all “Yeah, I’m hardcore, THAT’s why I’m sweating!”
Beet – Eat a Rainbow every day.
Carrot – Yes, eating more fruits and vegetables and cutting down on processed foods and meats. The costs associated with producing a meat diet are not an efficient use of resources.
Beet – Unplug and go outside!
Asparagus – Eat local and support local community gardens like Last Organic Outpost, Marcus Garvey Liberation Garden, Urban Harvest and various others around the city.
Avocado – If you have a front or back yard, you have a community garden right there and if you don’t, you can plant a container garden.
Potato – And be aware. Meat and dairy lobbies are huge political players and they lobby government to get what they want and it’s not about what’s best for you.
Avocado – It’s the basics of life – food, shelter, transportation, things like that. Make those simple things in life like food become something you do with your community where it’s not just going out and buying things but growing it together and building those connections that really help your mental health and help people care about each other.
The Demonic Hen performs Friday, August 3rd at
FARMRAZOR 2012 : A benefit show for Last Organic Outpost’s Emile St. Community Farm with Lovehorse, Lazer Cuntzz, and Alimanas @ East Side Social Center, 4202 Canal Street, Houston, TX 77003
For more on Demonic Hen, their upcoming releases, and their cookbook visit:
by Guest Author